FRIDAY THE 13TH!!! SCARY!!!!

"Gotcha, bitch!"

AHHHHHH! RUN! IT'S FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!! HEEELLLLLLP!!!!!

(Actually, the only way I would run away would be if it was Friday the 13th Part V. But not Freddie Vs. Jason. That movie was the balls.)

So news! Last week I was approached by the head honchos over at Thunder Matt's Saloon to see if I wanted to become one of their "bartenders" (writers). Seeing how I love to write non-sensical stuff (and the fact that I love me some Matt Murton), I said yes. If you are unfamiliar with either "Thunder" Matt Murton or the Saloon...shame on you. You need to go there now.

I've already got an article up...I'm writing (creatively) under the name "Rich". Check it out.

So, is this the end of the glorious nation of Funktopia?



Hell naw!

Funktopia will still exist. And I am still (slowly) going to be creating its own webpage so I can get off of Blogger once and for all. But now you'll just get twice the content!

So yeah. That's cool.

And speaking of Friday the 13th, if you're bored this weekend and haven't crapped your pants in a while, here's my Top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time:


10. Event Horizon

This movie may not actually be one of the Top 10 Scariest Movies to some people, but it is for me. In my brain, it'll always be scarier than it actually was because I was 12 years old when I saw it. Still, the thought of a demonic space station killing off members of a rescue crew is scary stuff. And the scariest part is that I wanted to buy this movie when I was in college, and after going to 7 stores, I wound up buying it for $26.00 at a Suncoast. $26 for a DVD with NO extra features. That's scary!


9. Jaws

HOUMP! People seem to forget that this was actually a pretty scary movie. Rent it again and then go to any kind of body of water the next day and see how willing you are to get in. I dare you. THAT'S the test.


8. The Ring

All I know is that when I watched this movie, I was alone in my room, which was right next to the door that led to the attic. That's scary enough for me.


7. Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Not a horror movie you say? You look at that picture for 10 seconds and you tell me that that isn't crap-your-pants terrifying. Look at the one on the lower left that looks like he's waiting to molest you.


6. Alien

Another movie that's underrated on the Scary-Scale. I think it's because most people have probably seen this movie on cable, and nothing on cable is scary. Except Flavor of Love. The scariest thing is that Alien vs. Predator 2 is being made as we speak! RUN!!!


5. Hellraiser

This is probably another movie that is higher on the list just because I was really young when I saw it, so it seems that much scarier in the movie. But out of the movies so far, this is the most graphic. Some of the things in this movie are just plain disgustingly gory. And that's something coming from me.


4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The least scary part of this movie? When Leatherface does his little "happy dance" at the end. But by that time you've already soiled yourself at least 4 times, so you deserve a little laugh.


3. Poltergeist

The scariest part of this movie is the "false ending" where you think everything is over and done and you let your scary-guard down. And that's when the evil clown attacks! Plus, Craig T. Nelson is the man.


2. The Shining

"Heeeeeere's JOHNNY!!!"

If I have to say anything more than that to scare you, you haven't seen this movie.


1. The Exorcist

Now many of you probably would have expected me to pick a picture of the possessed little girl in her demonic-form at the end of the movie. But when The Exorcist was re-released when I was in high school and they put in that deleted scene with the little girl doing this deranged spider-walk down the stairs, screaming with blood pouring out of her mouth, I was scared to death. And the scariest part is that it came out of nowhere! The mom is just sitting there talking to the babysitter like "Hey, do you want some coffee?" and then all of the sudden looks up off camera and says "Oh my god!" and then BAM! Spider walk!

Seriously, looking at the above picture scares the crap out of me to this day. And it's just a picture!


Alright, that's enough from me. I'm officially scared of today. If you want me, I'll be hanging out with the guy in the bear suit.